do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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