Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
