I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
