Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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