you win again, gameday.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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