we made out on top of his cat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
