I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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