There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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