there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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