doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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