I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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