It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
