Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
