Me. At least after what I've been through.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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