Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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