i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
