I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so much tequila, so little girl.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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