if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
