my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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