i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
