1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
