I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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