'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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