You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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