There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
