I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I FOUND THE LEGS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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