the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
