I could make wine with my vomit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
