SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
