"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
