party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
