You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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