Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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