Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
