he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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