I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
