I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
