i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
