i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
