I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize