I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
