Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
