It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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