I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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