He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
