drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
