You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
