drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
