my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
