if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
