Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
