I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
