Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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