you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His hands were made for my vagina.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
