Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
