first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The best revenge is premature balding
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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