Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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