Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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