I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
