and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
