Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
