I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
