Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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