I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
