Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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