The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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