If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
